princeofdoom

Just thinking out loud here, but I think the reasons I'm ok with some things in fiction that I'm not ok with irl (like red flags as long as things don't tip into actual abuse or the like) is this: irl, you cannot know for certain what someone's intentions are, even if they tell you. They may not know themselves, they might be outright lying. So it's best to take red flags in ANY kind of relationship seriously and keep away from people who act certain ways, whether or not their intentions and the other ways they act on those intentions are good.

But in fiction, if the author allows, we can know the exact intentions of any character for another. We know that there's some mitigating reason for one character acting a way that could be an issue irl without that knowledge. Just like in some cases, it serves the purpose of the story to know that character who seems kind and sweet is actually manipulative and awful.

But this only really helps when people understand there is a difference between fiction and reality.