I'm just kinda here, aren't I?
Aug. 30th, 2019 04:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
princeofdoomTBH, I think my biggest issue right now creatively is:
I just don't enjoy writing anymore. I'm more than happy to write for a purpose, or to engage with friends. And I don't really have a "better" creative outlet for myself. (drawing is extremely tiring for me and I hate the process of doing it, and hate the outcome when I do. Composing music only comes naturally to me when I have some instrument to fiddle around with. I'm not one for taking pictures, again unless it's for a specific goal or aim.) I don't have another way to present the stories I want to share.
But for that matter: What stories?
I have characters. I have general ideas about their motivations and personalities. But actual stories? I don't know. It's not that I'm waiting for the all-lauded "inspiration", some great idea that forces me to write just by the fact it exists. It's that as soon as I try to think about story ideas, settings, possible character arcs or the like, my brain goes completely blank. It's not that I think all my ideas are bad, I just don't have ideas. I don't know what I want or what I enjoy any more. I have no goal to work toward and so no motivation to write. I don't even hate writing as much as I hate having nothing to write about that actually feels important.
I've always preferred pain to being numb. I'd rather hurt desperately than be unable to feel at all. And yet, I'm in a place mentally where I'm too numb to do anything.
I just don't enjoy writing anymore. I'm more than happy to write for a purpose, or to engage with friends. And I don't really have a "better" creative outlet for myself. (drawing is extremely tiring for me and I hate the process of doing it, and hate the outcome when I do. Composing music only comes naturally to me when I have some instrument to fiddle around with. I'm not one for taking pictures, again unless it's for a specific goal or aim.) I don't have another way to present the stories I want to share.
But for that matter: What stories?
I have characters. I have general ideas about their motivations and personalities. But actual stories? I don't know. It's not that I'm waiting for the all-lauded "inspiration", some great idea that forces me to write just by the fact it exists. It's that as soon as I try to think about story ideas, settings, possible character arcs or the like, my brain goes completely blank. It's not that I think all my ideas are bad, I just don't have ideas. I don't know what I want or what I enjoy any more. I have no goal to work toward and so no motivation to write. I don't even hate writing as much as I hate having nothing to write about that actually feels important.
I've always preferred pain to being numb. I'd rather hurt desperately than be unable to feel at all. And yet, I'm in a place mentally where I'm too numb to do anything.
